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    A, 2 Years
    Real Moms. Real Stories

    You've No Time For Us!" - My Friends Say I've Changed After Motherhood

    The perfect mom – isn’t that what it always is about? The ‘perfect’ is everywhere you look; the pressure to be perfect is in every aspect of life. But is ‘perfect’ real? Is the photo of the mom who’s rocking her baby, her beautiful curly hair flowing in the wind, both baby and mom smiling at each other, silhouetted against a setting sun, amid a field filled with gorgeous daisies – is that photo real?


    (a) I have not washed my hair in the past 4 days, (it is a new grunge look I am sporting; goes well with my crumpled tees), and
    (b) There are no daisy fields around me.

    So, I am guessing that photo is not real and all it does is make me feel bad. Truth is, motherhood is the most blissful period of my life but it is the toughest too! It is a juggling act wherein you are constantly trying to keep all the balls in the air and the balls have a mind of their own. As new moms, we read a lot, are advised a lot, prepare a lot… but nothing can actually make us ready for what is in store. You go in with a lot of preparation, yet you actually learn on the job.

    Once you become a mother, your relationships change too. The most important person in your life now is a small human, who does not come with an instruction manual, is very unpredictable, and mostly sleeps but for short periods of time. After becoming a mother my priorities and my capabilities changed. My friends felt that I was changing, and yes I was. I was no longer the perfectly turned out, fashionably dressed girl with the latest designer bag in hand (one within my budget), ready to go out on a moment’s notice in my ridiculously high heels…

    The perfectly turned out feature was lost somewhere in my third trimester when my transition from human to waddling penguin was complete. The fashionable dresses changed to clothes that would fit me now, would be easy to wear, and could survive constant spit ups, and a lot of wiggling and pulling. Oh, I have tried wearing fashionable blouses, with frills, boat necks, layered ones…But trust me, it gets really difficult when you have a toddler who thinks it is absolutely normal to hang from and pull down mom’s dresses necklines! Now I stick to tees and yoga pants almost entirely. The designer bag is filled with sanitisers, diapers, wipes and snacks with an odd toy or two. And heels, you say?

    So what about going out with, or talking to, friends? Do I get to do it?

    Let me tell you from my experience, I have been both a working mom and SAHM, and realized both are equally tough and time consuming. I joined back to work in 3 months, with a body which was still recovering, a baby who was breastfed, which meant I expressed milk at least 5 times a day, and nights which had hardly a 3 hour stretch of continuous sleep. I could barely keep alive, so, going out was the last thing on my mind!

    After I moved cities and left my job, I got to see the SAHM side of life. It turned out that this was equally time consuming. My whole day was spent running after the baby and trying to prevent him from harming himself, or pulling him out of drawers, or getting him down from tables. And even now I cannot wash my hair because the toddler screams bloody murder the minute I go to the bathroom. I plan my day around him, which means I have no plan. I am truthfully saying – I do not sit down a minute from the time he is up till the time he goes to bed after a lot of fight! And in between, if he does take a nap (45 mins) and one of my friends gives me a call, there is no chance in hell that this momma is going to risk waking up a sleeping baby!

    Babies do not follow schedules. There is a constant cycle of feeding, pooping, cleaning, and sleeping which is on an endless loop. Yes, I had help from my parents, a cook and a cleaning maid, but there still were tons of things to do: laundry, washing baby bottles, sterilizing, feeding, freezing, thawing, warming milk… and all this with no sleep. I was thankful if I managed to squeeze in a walk or a quick session of yoga somedays and that was all I could manage to do for my upkeep, apart from healthy eating. So, yes, I missed a lot of things. I missed replying to texts; I could not participate in WhatsApp chats. I did have the odd day or two where I went out and just relaxed with friends for some time, minus baby, but these were rare occurrences.

    A year has now passed. I am slowly getting my former self back. I now am able to take care of myself, a little bit. But it still is a secondary thing.

    My life after my baby has changed – a lot. But I am taking these changes in my stride and trusting my intuition to do what’s best for my baby. I may not be the perfect mom from the picture of the daisy fields, but I am a real mom. After all, like Baby Dove says, there are no perfect moms, only real ones. There is no right or wrong way to be a mother, just your way!

    It’s true isn’t it? There are no perfect mothers, only real ones. Real Moms. Real Stories. Powered by Baby Dove.


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