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    Why are bullies always the popular kids?

    This is a question I have yet to find an answer to.

    I suffered from the "cry baby" syndrome as a kid (and sadly, sometimes I still do!). I would deal with all kinds of upset - sadness, frustration, and even anger - with only one reaction - tears! Much as I would try to control myself, the minute I got upset or angry, the waterworks would overflow!

    And this made me the perfect target for the most dreaded part of my childhood - bullies.

    All they had to say was that I wasn't cool enough to hang out with them, or ignore me when I said something and I would tear up. And then they would laugh at me or shun me for being a weakling not worthy of their time. And for some reason these hateful, mean creatures were always the most popular kids in the class!

    Adults would comfort me by saying that the bullies behave the way they do because at some level they are also being bullied, they are also suffering - and they lash out at those they percieve as weaker than them as a result. This was true with one of my bullies - my neighbour, whose mother was quite domineering and dictated most of her actions. She was not particularly popular, and she truly was suffering from her own insecurities as a child, just like I was. As adults we have now put our past in the past, and remain fast friends, and she has been there for me unconditionally during some of the toughest times of my life.

    But my now good friend, in my personal experience, was an anomoly. But the rest of my bullies, especially those from my school - NO! They were the classic movie definition of 'Mean Girls', and they picked on me for one reason and one reason only - because they could! These pretty, popular girls had everything going for them, yet chose to entertain themselves by making me feel like an annoying mosquito, to be squashed and chucked away. And I always let them. Out of fear, out of insecurities, out of my desperate need to please the 'cool kids' - I always, always LET them!

    As easily as I forgave my former bully for her childish actions, it took me WAAAAYYY longer to forgive myself for my own inability to stand up to them. Oh sure there were some instances where I took a stand, but until I was 12 years old I was known as Apoorva The Crybaby. And I spent years obsessing over this, ignoring the fact the despite everything I still had a huge friend circle full of people who actually cared about me, and even loved me!

    Hindsight is always 20-20 they say. I wish I could go back to the 6 year old me and tell her that everything is going to be okay. I want to tell her that the neighbour girl is going to become one of her best friends. I want to tell her that thanks to the schoolyard bullies, she formed lifelong bonds with the other misfits - and that those misfits turned out to be way cooler than the popular girls anyway!

    I want to tell the 6 year old me that by the time she gets to my age, she will learn to just not give a damn about what anyone else thinks. That she will create her own, ever changing definition of 'cool' with 'popular' no longer being a prerequisite. That she will learn how to be strong, open and honest and stand up for herself as a result of the painful experiences she went through as a child.

    And most importantly. That one girl who made her life hell in school? She's really fat now :P :P :P :P :P

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