I was consoling myself, "The nine months deferment is going to end." It is not going to last for long. I can bear it for my baby. Yes! The more I tried to take off my mind from pain, the more I was enfolded into it. After some time I heard the nurse and the doctor discussing, sounding tense.
She told the doctor, "The water bag has ruptured and the cord is around the neck of the baby; it is critical". The doctor told her to prepare for the operation.
Operation? C-section? After all the exercise, healthy food, walk. I felt hollow, numb. I rubbed my tummy gently and said, "Now whatever it is, we are going to meet soon."
"Are you nervous?", my child asked.
I replied, "Nervous, oh no! Just curious." I lied assuring.
Yeah we talk, my child in my womb and I. You are free to call it anything - illusion, madness, nervy or love, you name it.
"I am finding it difficult to float in here and I want to see you soon, not that I do not like it here. I just want to see our eyes match or not."
I gave him a faint smile and promised to meet soon. Soon the arrangements were made to take me to the operation theatre. I was in pain, the ceiling above was moving faster than the faces hovering over me. My mother and my husband were flying away from my sight; they looked worried.
I reached the room; it was chilling cold inside. I was trembling, anxious, nervous, all in the same moment. My doctor started asking questions about my professional life, social well-being and soon everything turned hazy, white; faces were floating towards the horizon. I was exhausted, tired and I just wanted to sleep.
"Do you feel anything here, near the ankle?", an echo-like voice in bits and pieces rang at my eardrums. I lazily opened my eyes, "An angel! They do wear white". I smiled and tried hard to hear her but all in vain and I could not help closing my eyes.
When I got up the next time, "Oh, she is a nurse". I asked for some water, which was given in a droplet. Conscious, I was excitedly looking around for a crib...but there was nothing. I got scared, nauseated, worried! Eyes restless. The nurse sensed my fear and said, "Do not worry you drama queen, it's a healthy baby. He will be in your arms once you are shifted to the room."
When I was shifted to the room, all I wanted to see my little bundle of joy. Those few minutes seemed like an eternity to me. Whenever the door creaked my eyes jumped; my mother always chuckled and asked me to be patient.
"Here he comes". You made me wait so long. My husband took him in his arms and a loving wife suddenly transformed into a jealous mother. With the help of my mother and nurse, he was fed his first milk - colostrum. When his tiny fingers touched me, I shivered, goosebumps... It was mesmerizing, the words fail to describe the turmoil of emotions. Every cell of my body was enjoying motherhood. I was spellbound as I slowly held and kissed him. It was heavenly, I was smiling, grinning. He was totally kissable, small face, closed eyes, tight fist, bent knees and the tiny nose. All my pain vanished, I was looking him without a blink.
"How are you doing?" and the child was eagerly waiting to answer it, "It is so bright here, difficult to open my eyes. They held me upside down, patted my bums, wrapped me around. Aahhh, I am tired."
"Don't you like it here, and did you check the eyes?" "I like it here with you, and eyes..."
He started crying and my mother took him to soothe him and put him to sleep.
He looked at me through the corner of his eyes and I thought he winked. Did he? Never mind. It is going to be fantastic ahead.
I too went to sleep and the conversation was put on halt. I knew the chat session were going to be longer ahead.
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