The journey of our parenthood has been awesome so far. I feel myself lucky as my husband helps me with almost everything when it comes to kids. When my daughter arrived in our lives we divided our work. During her baby phase, when baby needs mom most of the time, he helped me in household chores and kitchen duties.
As she transitioned to toddler phase, we exchanged our duties - my husband started helping me in feeding and cleaning her, getting her ready, and taking her out for a walk. I resumed my work. Today, when my younger one needs me - he is just 1.5 years old - my husband takes full responsibility of the elder one. This way I do not feel pressure at all.
But I will be honest. There are instances where, despite the fact that he is a great father, we end up arguing. As parents, we sometimes disagree on some points. These are moments when I feel the need for a partner not only for parenthood but also to understand me emotionally.
1. My husband sometimes sees parenting as a race. And he wishes to win and stay ahead of me in the kids' good books.
I get this feeling sometimes and it leads to arguments. I dislike over-pampering kids, or breaking rules without a solid reason. I don't want to do things just to make kids happy, such as allowing them to have junk food or colas. I do love eating out too but not at the sake of my health.
The same goes for being overprotective. I feel that it makes them lose their inner self-confidence. It totally hampers their growth as confident individuals. Always being with them, keeping them under your eye, and not letting them do and play as they wish - bad idea! This happens in little things, such as asking them to sanitize their hands every now and then, or not play in the mud.
I think, if only my husband tries and makes kids understand what's good and what's bad for them, it would really help them in the long run. Instead of giving in to demands of fast food, how about making the kids feel special by cooking something for them?
Likewise, I wish he would stop being overprotective. This only suppresses their own feelings and decision making. I do not deny that in today's world we should not keep an eye on kids or that we should ask them to stay clean. But just being behind them all the time is not advisable.
2. When it comes to attending a Parents-Teachers- Meet (PTM) I feel I am the only one who speaks there. He remains busy doing something like exploring my daughter's activity book.
My husband helps me with everything related to kids. You name it and it's done. Be it waking my daughter up and getting her ready for school, dropping her to school, fixing her breakfast, taking her to park for play time in the evening after his office, helping me with dinner, and making her sleep. For the younger one too, he helps me in feeding him, changing his diapers, and all other childcare tasks. But our daughter is growing up. He needs to make an effort to understand her cognitive needs, her studies, and what she's struggling with. And during PTMS, he is not there to understand her overall developmental needs with her mentor.
This is the same case when it comes to putting her to extra classes such as dance or sports. I think that both parents need to take initiative for things such as PTMs and extra curricular activities. And this is lacking when it comes to him.
3. I sometimes feel that the love or essence of our relationship has gone on the back burner. Now, he calls from the office to ask how the kids are. It's always about the kids.
Yes, I am a mom. But just saying this doesn't end my responsibility towards my husband. We both believe in sharing the burdens and responsibilities of each other. We believe in caring for each other as well as for our kids. But the flowers, going on dates, surprise gifts - these are the little things that would make me feel special. Now, I feel that the emotions towards me are lost. I know this is quite common with most of us. In fact, even moms sometimes lose their loved emotions towards their husbands after having kids.
I wish we would still do these tiny things for each other to keep the spark of our relationship alive. I don't want the freshness of our relationship to ever go pale.
4. Homework is always my responsibility, in any circumstances
Homework or school assignments are my part of the work. But sometimes, while managing the younger one or with office work, I miss out so some important assignments to be sent to school the next morning. I really miss his presence then. The entire homework situation is my responsibility, and it can get really stressful. I feel one shouldn’t stay confined to one dimension and instead agree on co-parenting.
5. My husband is not fond of social gatherings and this is what the kids are learning too. Being a hands-on-Dad doesn't mean someone should start imposing their own nature on kids.
My husband doesn’t much like social gatherings and he always plans holidays that only involve us. Weekends are just awesomely planned with some activity followed by a drive. But what I really feel lacking here is social gatherings. Kids must learn how to stay in gatherings. Group outings, dinner at a friend's place, calling friends for dinner, etc. Just being in isolation means we are teaching only one kind of lifestyle to our children. What will happen tomorrow when kids have to deal with a team or have to work in a group?
While I have spoken here of things I want him to focus on, this doesn’t mean I ignore what he does already. And yes, he really does a lot. I feel proud to have him as the father of my children. Here's a big thank you to my dear husband for being such a wonderful Dad!
As we bring up our kids together, we are learning that both partners need to be the source of strength for each other. Together, we can make our today happy and tomorrow even happier.
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