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    25 June 2015

    MILs Can be Boon too

    Anubhuti Mehn
    WOM Score 12
    I am from Surat, India. First and Foremost I am a MOM , which brings me here. I am also a teacher , running my own classes. Personality wise, I am outgoing inquisitive by nature. There are so many things that I am always interested in, so many different choices and paths to choose from, and I want to try everything at least once. But yes try to give my 100% in whatever I try or whatever I do. Its just the excellence I try to attain and not perfection.
    A famous saying among Indian bahus goes like this: ‘Saas kabhi maa nahi ban sakti’...But is it so unrealistic for a mother in law to be a mum?


    I don’t think so. What is important is to prove yourself a daughter first rather than just being a daughter in law.

    I do understand that it takes time for every female to adjust in a new family. The mentality with which one should become the part of a new family should be positive. We would have had a fight many a times with our own mum, which we will forget very soon, but why it so happens that a fight with MIL becomes a topic of discussion among friends?

    Many of us don’t want our kids to spend much time with their grandparents. But have you all ever wondered what would have been the case if we were also deprived from the love and care of our loving Dadimaa? She is also growing old, just like your mum. She also needs the love and care that your mum needs. And trust me, the results are going to be the same - showers of blessings. At least that has been the case with me!
    My MIL has always treated me like her own daughter. I always try my level best to treat her like my own mum. She will share things about her family, her past, recipes (by the way, she is an awesome cook and I have learned a lot of recipes from her) and what not! We do fight, but you might laugh at the reason most of the times (as my hubby does). We fight for work as she wants to do all the work by herself!

    There is this one incident that I would like to share. My friend came home to see me. That time my MIL was forcefully feeding me fruits to which I was pleading a “No”. She was feeding me with so much love, affection and care that my friend thought I was carrying! It took me around an hour to convince my friend that I wasn’t!

    It’s difficult for me to imagine the first two months post delivery of my baby, without her. She had been a great support then.

    It’s not that I consider her to be perfect. There have been times when she does something or acts in such a way which I don’t expect. But then, as my hubby says, "They are old, and there is a huge generation gap between us." I'm grateful to God who has blessed me with a loving mum and caring mum-in-law and wish everybody gets the same.

    P.S. My MIL is not on social media so this is not just for buttering her ;)


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    Comments (15)

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    Archana Dhongadi
    Hello.. Anubhuti u seem to b very lucky... Wen I was expecting my mil visited me but don't offer to help me in cooking nor wd ask me to rest (no maid).. Som times I feel bad but then again I empathise her tat she is old n I shd nt expect from her... Tatz life we forgive n forget... Still wen v visit them I make it a point she doesn't do any work....
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    Aparna Venkatesh
    I completely agree with your post. sometimes I feel that w/o my MIL I cannot function as she takes care of everything. She has taught me to manage without a servant, where I have come from a family where we used to not lift a finger for anything. My MIL is my superhero, and at times she really understands me more that my mom and I am thankful for it.
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    Ragini Patel
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    Anubhuti Mehn
    Agree Shraddha, to take rest.. .to .this line she reacts as if she hasn't heard. But same is the case with my mum. My mum doesn't even has a maid till date. old age is like a new age. Just as kids don't listen to few of the things , even the old ones don't. Handle the situations same way as you handle with kids.
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    Shraddha Joshi
    Good article anubhuti but are you sure when you say any thing against your MIL and that is logically correct then how your MIL behaves. IS it just like your mum who except her fault or respect your view. Not possible in my case. My MIL also worked a lot in home but when i say you take rest, then she used to do all work in my absence(as i am working and i have maid for all house work ), and then you imagine the result.
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    Anubhuti Mehn
    @neha...hugs....I don't understand why some of the Mils become so emotionless ..even though they would have been in the same situations some day...may be I am exceptionally lucky ..
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    Neha Thakur
    U must be true dear but dats not the case for me 2 years of my marriage I never back answer ed her . I called her during my delivery n she didn't cared for me at all.that was a c sec den also dey expected me in kitchen after 15 brought tears in my eyes n reminded me MIl can't become inspite how much love u give
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    Preety Yadav
    'The mother' cannot be replaced by any other. True! But MIL can be good, I am also blessed with a MIL who 'can be' good (not always :-D), but it take a lottttt of efforts ;-P not so easy. I am always happy to attempt...
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    Shilpa P
    Very true Swati....A mother is someone who can never ever be replaced by any other....Mothers are mothers.. MILs must be good, they can never be as close as our mother....d bonding that a mother n daughter share cannot be d same with MIL.....
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    Anubhuti Mehn
    Shipra .. :)
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    Anubhuti Mehn
    Swati ..thats what I wish that everyone gets a mother in the form of mother in law ...hope she realizes your importance ..may your good time come soon..bless you..
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    Anubhuti Mehn
    Thanks tilottama
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    Tilottama Chatterjee
    I loved the title ;)
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    Swati Verma shrivastav
    I agree with you and I have gone beyond my limits to be there for my MIL, that includes standing up for her against my father in law as well when even her sons could not say anything... but unfortunately the way I have been treated even after that has made me come to a conclusion that MILs can never replace our mothers and no matter we believe it or not we cannot even give our mother's place to someone else
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    Shipra Trivedi
    I agree with you Anubhuti. We should first behave like a daughter and then expect MIL to be like our mother. There are some relations which are so unique in the world. Every kid loves his/her mother the most. He/she cannot give same amount of love to anyone else. So I think mother should be mother and MIL should be MIL. Give respect, affection and love as much as you can to your MIL, what this relationship demands. No two persons in this world are exactly same so don't compare her with your mother. My MIL is like yours only. So helpful so caring. She is with us here in Delhi and I am able to resume my office after maternity leaves because of her only. She takes care of my son and also helps me other domestic work. And I try my best to keep her happy.
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