We always imagine a mother, kissing and cuddling her baby. Oozing out love and care for her little one. Ready to give up on anything, for the betterment of her child. That’s how a mother should be.
But sometimes we ignore the fact that she gives up way more. She alters her career roadmap or gives it up completely. Sometimes she lets go off what she wants, to focus on her child’s well-being. And after all this, she is still judged. At every point, suggestions are made to help her be “better” at her job, as a mother.
There is a saying, “Pregnancy limits what a female can do with her body. Motherhood limits what she can do with her life.”
I have heard so many new mothers talk about how their lives were reignited and renewed the minute their little ones came into the world. They talked about not having any purpose or drive until their kids landed.
I feel very happy for them but don’t quite relate to this. I did love my pre-kid life. And I’ve come to realise that I should not be ashamed of this. I've brought forth life doesn't mean that everything I experienced and went through before doesn't matter.
What do I miss the most?
1. Late night movie outings
This gets very tough to plan if you have a little one. Ever since my daughter was born, our nights are tied to a routine. We haven’t stepped out to a movie hall for a night show ever since.
2. Lazy mornings
Truth is, if you’re a mum, you just can’t have it. A wailing, wandering toddler would push you out of the bed, very soon.
3. Clean House
I have a cleanliness disorder. I like to go that extra mile to keep the house in perfect order. Post baby, this has been very challenging. My kid just won’t let it stay clean. I miss the joy of coming back to a clean, stain-free home!
4. Freedom to create impulsive and adventurous plans
After the baby, our plans are well researched. We ensure that the place has lots to offer for kids. We are cautious of the weather conditions… and what not! Gone are the days when we would just pack our bags and discover a plan along the way.
The initial years of mommyhood were tough. And I had so much more on this list. Eventually, I learnt that it’s only me who can help myself. I decided to not bargain ‘too much’. I was not ready to let my identity dissolve in the name of motherhood. I decided to balance.
Becoming a mother is a natural progression in a female’s life. It should not be a course-altering one.
Pregnancy and motherhood are (sort of) a whirlpool in one’s life. But at the end of it, you should be able to recognise yourself. And that’s where balance helps.
I implemented these simple hacks to help my situation:
1. I was vocal about my feelings with my partner
2. I kept aside some time for myself where I could do what intrigued me. It was my me-time and it could not be compromised
3. I wanted to continue my career. So I:
a. Spoke to my employer to get flexible timings at work
b. Ensured that my work hours were focused and productive so that I can cover my tasks for the day and leave for home on time
c. Continued my work travel (in limited capacity) by asking for help from parents and in-laws
4. I worked out to de-stress my mind and discover a fit me
As a mother, it’s important to keep your sanity intact amidst all the chaos happening around you.
While I was browsing the Internet, I came across a recent survey that was conducted by Baby Dove which shows that almost 90% mothers always feel pressured to be a perfect mum. These numbers validate the fact that we all are under constant stress to become perfect. In fact, the brand philosophy of Baby Dove echoes my sentiment beautifully -
“There is no such thing as perfect mothers, only real ones.”
Baby Dove believes that as “real moms” there is no right or wrong way of being a mother, only your way of raising your child. I truly believe that moms should rely on their instincts because we always know what’s best for our child! When this comes from such a trusted brand, it helps in bringing about a change in the society. It clears the air and helps instil confidence in all moms who are trying, every day.
There are only real experiences from real moms, who do cry at times, fret about motherhood struggles and miss their old days. Not to forget, that every mom (always) wants the best for her child. And it’s time we all make peace with this fact.
Baby Dove believes that there is no right or wrong way to be a mom because there’s no such thing as a perfect mom – just real moms, doing it their way. Mothers instinctively know what’s best for their child and Baby Dove is here to reassure moms to trust their way!
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