Well, I would say the reason is simple: love.
Most or almost all the mothers have this feeling when their sons get married. In some places, the situation changes too dramatically while in some homes, people understand each other better. Since the birth of their child, mothers often face difficulties in dealing with the presence of any other woman in their son's life. But there is a flip side to this story. The daughters in law leave everything behind, including their parents, only to be a part of someone else's life.
I am sharing my take and opinion based on the experience and bonding I share with my mother in law. Every relationship has two parties involved and everyone must understand that respect is required at both ends.
1. Sometimes, love does need boundaries and maturity
"Love has no boundaries" - it is a very well said motto. But apart from love, a mature understanding from both sides is very important for a strong relationship. The wife should understand the importance of a parent and how they feel about their son. Definitely, if you talk negatively about in-laws, your husband will never like it. Likewise, the mother in law too must understand and limit her emotions to an extent where it doesn't interfere with the relationship that her son and daughter in law share.
What I do about this: In my case, we have set our boundaries well. We do not interfere in each other's way of dealing with the most important man in our life, i.e., my husband and mom-in-law's son.
2. Follow the rule of 100% Respect and 0% Criticism:
This is a very sensitive relationship to deal with. The most important factor to have a strong bond with your family is by respecting each other's opinion and giving 100% of this respect. I also think it is always better to be open and have space in family relationships and this is what I maintain.
What I do about this: Be it any ritual or her opinion towards anything, my action plan is simple: I never criticize. My mom admires my presence in front of all the family members. That one feeling gives me strength and support to handle any situation.
3. Never let advice become interference:
I live my life, I work, I write, I am a mother and I hold a strong position in the family because I learn from my mistakes. While advising a loved one is a good thing to do, it should never become overbearing. It will then be seen as interference.
What I do about this: My mom never comes and advises me before I take the first step. But she comes to my rescue when I need her. I think this is the basic understanding which we must develop to nurture the bonding between us.
4. Stay connected with each other
We are so busy in our lives that sometimes we ignore the presence of our parents. Parents are also busy.
What I do about this: My mother in law and I take out time for each other. They often come to visit us and so do we. These small trips keep the relationship fresh and alive.
5. Accept mistakes when you have made them
This is the key reason she treats me with equality. I always accept my mistakes. The mother-in-law should also accept it when she has made a mistake. I mean, only then can you make a daughter in law a daughter.
What I do about this: My mom-in-law accepts the mistakes of her son when he is in the wrong. This has helped me happily reach the level of a daughter from daughter in law. In my heart too, she has reached the level of mom from mother in law.
6. Never, ever compare
As a mother of two I always believe in no comparison mode. We have seen and read as much literature available on this. Child psychologists also believe that comparison brings insecurity and lack of confidence in kids. But we fail to follow this as adults. All adults are also unique. Every individual is unique in their own ways. Many daughters-in-law are good cooks and homemakers while so,me are good professionally. Some may be good at both. But comparison is always a bad idea.
What I do about this: My mom believes in the same and she never compares me with my sis in law and vice versa.
I am a mom of a son and he is just 1.5 yrs old. Yet I feel very connected to him and my affection towards him is immense. I can totally relate to how my mother-in-law feels about my husband and I deal with this responsibly. Every MIL or DIL is not the devil as shown on TV. It is in our hands to have sweetness instead of bitterness in the bond we share.
I won't say I am lucky to have a caring and understanding mother in law. I would call it the result of our two-way understanding which has brought us this far in our relationship and will continue to hold us in good stead.
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